Sex, Shame and Morbidity in Italian Art

If Italian culture is anything, it's an oxymoron.  Women wear heels on even the rainiest of days, ignoring the cat calls of Italian and Armenian men.  Tourism is obviously their pride and joy, squeezing every last Euro-dime out of visitors, yet there is no desire to teach you an Italian phrase or two (unlike Greece).  These streets were roamed by Dante, Da Vinci, Michaelangelo and countless other contributors to Western civilization, yet they let their dogs shit all over them, regardless of size.  Of these unexplainable oddities in Italian life, the same can be said about the art this country is praised for.

For being such a conservative country (women should not wear shorts!), there sure is a lot of homoerotic art hanging around.  Above is a partial picture of the Fountain of Neptune and to the right, is Hercules and Cacus.  I guess it makes sense that such "pagan" themes would carry such blatant sexual innuendos, but why have it right outside your town hall? In the middle of the city?

So this is not the original David.  David is in a museum. You can't take a picture of the real David.  But you can take a picture with this slightly smaller fake.  All your stupid friends who've never been to Florence will never know the difference.

THIS was just gross.  In a museum, the same museum that houses Michaelangelos, they had body parts of a SAINT.  On the far left, that's a finger.  Middle, a femur.  Right, looks like a piece of someone's spine, maybe?

Above top, is a work by a modern sculptor Igor Mitoraj from the 1970s, amidst sculptures and fountains from the 1400s onward in Boboli's Garden.  I honestly thought Igor's work was much older and there was no signage explaining this was a contemporary piece at all, very misleading.

Above bottom was a bit more obvious about its modern roots, amidst Etruscan ruins in Fiesole, a site from about 400 BCE.  Very bizarre to have modern sculptures juxtaposing old world/classical architecture.  The art is very new, circa 2007, I believe.  It actually got more attention than the actual ruins (surprise surprise).

Ew. Why? Just, why? "Restored" grotto in Boboli Gardens. Supposed to um, mimic? an actual grotto.

Also from Boboli Gardens, "The Fountain of Bacchus"  A satirical rendition from the 1700s-ish of the "court dwarf" Morgante (I'm not making this up) kept by the Medici family (think the Godfather of Renaissance), whom enjoyed collecting genetic anomalies and would use then as jesters for entertaining and the like. Yeah! Celebrating diversity is fun!

Street performers getting ready outside of the Uffizi Gallery.  Will stand perfectly still, dressed up like statues. 

My fav: SUPER JESUS AAHHH!!! Actual painting in actual church of Jesus appearing on the crucifix in the sky to St. Francis to give him stigmata.  Seriously?!?! Seriously.